THE STRUGGLE.....

The true struggle of making time for my self care has began!!! I am in the middle of my third week of juggling 3 graduate classes and work....turning my days into 10 to 14 hour "work" days!!! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my job...and I know I am blessed because not many people can say they love what they do all day everyday...and I am surviving school LOL!! This week I have reverted back to my old habits of finding myself waking up running all morning...looking up at the clock and its 3:00pm and I am starving because I haven't ate anything all day.

This has resulted in eating the first thing I can get my hands on and this week it has resulted in ......"The Egg" (nope..not the organic one)

Plenty of liquids, nope not water...(the caffeinated kind)

And yep you guessed it...NO EXERCISE!!!! Just as sedentary as a couch potato...just add desk with a computer in front of it and you have me at night doing homework....

This can't continue...I can not allow myself to remain in this state of self care neglect...I will be juggling this schedule for at least a full year and refuse to NOT meet my goals and REFUSE to look back at the end of 2012 reflecting on how things could have been different.....Good luck to all of you working and struggling to keep your self care a priority...you are not alone in your struggle....YOU WILL SUCCEED!!!

MY OTHER FAMILY.....

Okay well the past few days have gone well!!! Been on target with my eating AND EXERCISE...Woo Hoo!!! I have had to return to squeezing in the evening class and then returning to work or homework ...this is due to the 6:15pm class at Absolute Self Defense and Fitness in Killeen being SO AMAZING!! This group of owners, staff, and members are so wonderful. I can not express enough how far they all go to make members feel like family and to encourage them to keep pushing to reach their goals. If you ever have a chance to go by and visit them please do so...you will not regret it!!!

MAKE A MOVE!!!.....

Okay so when it comes to eating healthy and being active, I have the eating healthy thing down to an art. However, it is and always has been a challenge for me to GET MOVING!!! Of course..I always feel fabulous after and the scales always move faster when I exercise so WHY IS THAT NOT ENOUGH TO GET ME UP AND TO THE GYM OR PARK EVERY SINGLE DAY!?!? Yes I have a crazy, busy, madness schedule that does get in the way however, for me I don't feel that is enough of a reasonable excuse for me to do NO TYPE of exercise at some point in the day. I could at least do it at home late at night or something. As far as I am concerned my schedule always has been and always will be busy so being active just has to be something that is mandatory...I sure do make it mandatory to eat!!! LOL So to assist me with this I began a monthly competition with two of my employees that are right the opposite of me...they exercise everyday without fail however, they do not eat healthy everyday. What is at stake..$20.00...we each put in $20.00 and the winner gets the pot to use for anything they want..of course if you know me at all IT WILL BE GOING TOWARDS CLOTHES, SHOES, PEDICURE, OR A MANICURE!!!! So ask me have I exercised since Friday???...NO!!!! UGH...how frustrating..I am going today but only because I am off and have nothing else to do...WHAT A SHAME!!! This is my struggle...this is my weakness...this inability to GET MY BUTT UP AND MOVE on a daily basis is what keeps me from reaching my goal...so why is it, that being fully aware of this,that I don't just MOVE!?!?!

FOUR THINGS I LOVE !!

My new healthy lifestyle has introduced me to four new things that I love, and for those of you who know me best...I HATE TRYING NEW THINGS ESPECIALLY FOODS....BECAUSE ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE IS I DO NOT LIKE BEING DISAPPOINTED IN MY FOOD!! So here you go...First new favorite thing is Fage Greek Yogurt in 2%

I typically choose the 7oz container and it is perfect to add fruit to with 2 packs of splenda and eat on the run for breakfast or a snack..I also have discovered that I also like it plain with 2 packs of splenda. This is huge for me because I HATE HATE HATE regular yogurt. When I was a child I use to make myself eat it because it was healthy and therefore developed a hatred for it :)...I prefer the 2% due to its consistency. The higher the percentage the more fat, therefore it's consistency becomes just like regular yogurt YUCK!!! But take note this is GREAT for protein!!! Okay now on to my second favorite thing....WATER!!!

I use to hate water as well :) ...liquids in my life consisted of strictly Dr. Pepper a year ago. I would drink approximately 4 Route 44 Dr. Pepper's from Sonic!!! CRAZY CRAZY....now I can not image going all day not drinking water...if I have a little bit of soda ....which I will let myself have some coke maybe once a week or every other week...but I can't sip a Dr. Pepper, scared I'll relapse (SERIOUSLY IT'S HAPPENED BEFORE) ...however, after drinking about half of it I crave water..it just doesn't quench my thirst. Third thing is cabbage..i love green and purple cabbage...

This has become a great space filler for me :) I have a food allergy to rice and pasta and it's not allowable on the Paleo food plan anyway...so I use this in place when sauteed with chicken...it is SO YUMMY.. and very healthy...also good because I do not like veggies at all...having said that ...that leads into my number four... Bolthouse Smoothies.....

My favorite is their Green Goodness Smoothie, which is great on the run and can be used in place of the made at home version of the Green Smoothie on the Paleo plan...this is a combination of 8 fruits and veggies that are and excellent source of vitamins and protein...These work great for me since I am on the run all day and between various locations. They also have 2 fruit versions that are good when that sweet tooth is bugging you....but my favorite of course it the Green Goodness...and warning it looks so gross...so I get the medium container and drink strait from the bottle so I can't see it!! ;0) So these are four fabulous items that I have fallen in love with and they help me on a daily basis to be strong, stay focused, and eat healthy...if I can make these changes...SO CAN YOU!!!

THE MISREPRESENTATION OF ME...

The Absolute Self Defense and Fitness "Fall For Fitness Competition" photos were finally posted and all I have been able to think about is that those pictures do not represent me well. If I passed me on the street I would not think of me as an out going, loud, fun, loving life, make-up, heels, cheeta print, zebra print, any color that is bright and out there kinda woman!! Now don't get me wrong, I know EXACTLY what I look like...thanks to the bathroom mirror! I DO NOT...please hear me clearly...I DO NOT...have low self-esteem. I did struggle with that in high school and most of college...but that is another post all on it's own. What I am meaning is I need another representative or rather to change the one I have. I look like this....

...and feel like this....

Now I know this is a little exaggerated...but I think you get my drift. I by no means expect to turn out looking like Ms. Kim, however, these photos make me see what the world gets a glimpse of....and I DON'T LIKE IT!!! This to me is motivation...let me say it again...MOTIVATION!!! I take this as a challenge to push forward and reach my goal rather than an opportunity to feel down about myself..be defeated.. and ultimately continuing to MISREPRESENT MYSELF!!!

My "Friend" Emotional Eating

Emotional eating...why do you pretend to be my friend?!?! You say you will be nice and comfort me better than anyone or anything and that when I feel better you go on your merry way. You lie!!! You don't ever leave...instead you choose to stick around and follow me with your so called loving arms around my waist not allowing my pants to fit like they did before you "helped" me :)...... I thought about this today because I wanted to emotional eat so bad the past two days!!! I was consciously telling myself no so much that I felt like I was talking to another person lol...this is how it feels sometimes when we battle ourselves and thought I'd pass it along because I know that I am not the only person out there walking around town saying "No" out loud!!

The begining of the journey...

WARNING...this first post is messy!!! This is where my "blogging" began on Facebook and where I started using blogging as a form of accountability to help me reach my goal of weightloss and ultimatley a healthier lifestyle...I have basically cut and pasted my post over the past two months to provide background info. for anyone who decides to join along the way :)

Okay I made it up today...for the record it I'd 5:12 am and I have been up since 4:40 and I'm determined to give an honest effort to make 5:30 am workouts a part of my life...pray for me :)

Picked up my "Fall for Fitness Challenge" packet today...very excited to see what the results of Jim Mahan's 6 week Absolute Self Defense and Fitness Program will be!!! :)

Official Day 2 of Fitness Challenge: Feeling hungry all the time!! This 3 days of "detox" is every bit of a detox...I have stuck to the veggies and fruits and can't wait to eat meat again!!! :)

Day 3 of Fitness Challenge: Not so hungry today...that makes for a much nicer Kami :)

Day 4 of Fitness Challenge: If at all possible I'm tired of eating LOL...6 to 7 small meal/snacks a day...I eat to get hungry and eat again...as a person who LOVES TO EAT...I never thought I'd be tired of eating!! :)

Day 5 of Fitness Challenge: Not near as hungry as the days before. This Paleo diet is actually growing on me. I have done some research and found that it is considered one of the best recommended ways of eating for my PCOS and does not include the foods I have an allergy to (rice and pasta). I have decided to make this a permanent way of life for my health and for future :)

Day 6 of Fitness Challenge: Did tire slams in bootcamp today...yep they are exactly what they say they are...you pick up a tire and slam it on the ground, catch it on the bounce and attempt to lift it above your head and repeat! :) Other than that all went well...I'm getting really use to the food plan and I'm less hungry than I was in the beginning which makes things easier!!! Tomorrow I attempt Zumba?!?!

Day 7 of Fitness Challenge: I was allowed a cheat day and chose a cheat meal instead...so glad I did because I felt yucky after eating it and can't imagine how bad I would feel if I had used the whole day!! Back to the regular schedule tomorrow...CAN'T believe its already been 1 week :)

Day 8 of Fitness Challenge: so today coach told me I needed to make sure I eat more...some days I'm starving and others I'm not and he says regardless...bc I'm eating small portions...that I still need to put somthing in my body so I have "fuel". This is a different concept for me "dieting"...so for this week that is what I will work on...putting fuel in my body and not letting it get to "E" before I eat. :)

Day 9 of Fitness Challenge: I have been following the Paleo plan and increasing my activities and as a result I have lost...drum roll please.. 7.4 lbs yay!!! that is all the more reason to keep pushing forward to a strong healthy happy life!! :)

Day 10 of Fitness Challenge: Every day gets easier...my cooking does not :) ...I had an omelet for dinner and it was okay...but in my own defense I never like my own cooking....I think my mother can boil water better than me!!! I have found that even on very stressful days my body is not stressing as much with tight shoulders and bad food cravings...this let's me know the 5:15am workouts are a HUGE help!!

Day 11: okay really hard to stay Paleo all the time lol I'm experiencing the how do you stay on this challenge as close as possible and eat out with friends when you have been out and about all day...my solution was to stick to the meat...however I feel so guilty for not eating strictly to the plan... I will say my guilt comes from my competitive side I do not want that one meal to give someone the winning edge!!

Day 12 of Fitness Challenge: Coach is gonna be so mad...I have been running crazy at work all day and only had a chance to eat a cup of yogurt and blackberries around 1:30...got off work at 6:45 and now I'm soooo hungry...sad thing is I carried my snacks around with me all day just never had time eat one lol...gonna have to work this out bc many busy days are to come and not good to not "fuel" my body!! :)

Oh my goodness today's workout was so hard for me!! I did complete it though thanks to Lisa Hodges for pushing me and doing leg lift with me and Coach Jim Mahan for running my last lap with me when my legs just didn't wanna move!!

Day 13 of Fitness Challenge: got my butt kicked in workout this morning...my legs are very sore!! Did better making sure I ate even with a busy schedule...still didn't get all my snacks in but did better...can't believe its almost been 2 weeks of doing this..it does having thinking twice before I eat and me making sure I take the healthiest option! :o)

Day 14 of Fitness Challenge: Its days like today that you greatly appreciate allowing yourself a cheat day. I didn't go crazy but was able to enjoy a huge Thanksgiving dinner we had for our kiddos at work. It has left me exhausted but the food was good and celebrating it with the clients was wonderful!! :)

Day 15 of Fitness Challenge: This week has been a challenge...extra busy at work, getting home late, short one days workout this week, missing meals and snacks, eating out more, and doing everything I can to stay on track..this week was a "just how bad do you want to do this" week...and I must say it has proved to me that I REALLY WANT IT. I had so many chances to go way off track n I didn't...I'm so proud of me!!!

Day 16 of Fitness Challenge: Even with a very hard week...I have lost an additional 2.2 pounds this week for a total of 9.6 pounds!! I'm on my way...

Day 17 of Fitness Challenge: There are 41 days left until the 2012!!! I have personally extended my challenge until then to see exactly how much weight I can lose and how healthy I can make my life before the new year. Why do we say when the new year comes then I will make changes in my life? Why not change your life today? So I ask you...what are you going to change in your life BEFORE the new year?!?!

Day 18 and 19 of Fitness Challenge: My holiday has began and oh the temptation has began to come...here is to enjoying the next few days by being as healthy as I can be and allowing myself a nice thanksgiving meal ONLY on thanksgiving day...time to test my strength and determination!!!

Day 20 of fitness Challenge: VICTORY...I resisted the temptation of my mothers fabulous fried chicken, mac-n- cheese, gravy, and tortillas....just 4 more days to go!!!

Day 22 of Fitness Challenge: Staying strong, eating healthy, and dodging all temptaions as the come. Not sure what it is about going home to your family that makes you more hungry than usual but I'm managing to stay focused and determined!! 2 more days to go...

Day 23 of Fitness Challenge: Still managed to stay on track today...which was very hard considering nothing healthy sounded good to eat and I wanted to eat anything chocolate and greasy!!! One more day to go and then I will have the "home field" advantage :)

Day 24 and 25 of Fitness Challenge: I held strong and made it home from the holiday with total of 13.2 pounds lost since Nov. 4th and up one small head cold :)...I count my loss over Thanksgiving as a HUGE TRIUMPH for me!! It took sheer determination...and a lot more than I thought I had ;o)

Day 26 of Fitness Challenge: Not feeling well...not feeling well at all :(

Day 27 of Fitness Challenge: Still yuckie...I don't like not feeling well...this has hindered me from working out and I'm so ready to get back in the gym...the holidays followed by this has set me back at the gym :o(

Day 28 of Fitness Challenge: Rested well last night...feeling better with very little voice today...stomach bug is gone...preparing myself for an early days start back to the gym tomorrow morning :) Time to get back to it!!!

Day 29 and 30 of Fitness Challenge: Definition of success is being on the holiday candy isle and NOT purchasing the seasonal Lindt milk chocolates with white chocolate filling (you know the ones that you have full knowledge that purchasing them WILL result in an empty bag and tons of shiny candy wrappers in your car BEFORE you make it the 5 miles between the store and your house)... ;o)

Day 31 of Fitness Challenge: Well today I dodged a blue berry muffin and had a banana instead...then had another as a late afternoon snack instead of the honey bun calling my name from near by :)...This weather is yuckie and tomorrow morning is going to suck...but I will get up and out in this nasty weather and get my Monday morning workout on!!! :o)

Day 32 of Fitness Challenge: Had a stressful moment...and those who know me at all know that I am the definition of an emotional eater. So in front of me was Ghiradelli chocolates and Sugar Free chocolate caramels...O' the decisions...lol Every day shows to prove that every little decision you make about eating healthy or doing the "this one time won't hurt" dance is what it takes to change your life.

Day 33 of Fitness Challenge: I was discouraged today...I happen to go to boot camp on a day that we worked on lower back, and abs (NOW YA'LL ALL KNOW I HAVE NONE!!) and I felt completely incompetent...now I have to modify everything anyway to get it done ...and what I had to do today to get the workout done doesn't even fall under the term modification lol...must work on abs and back more on my own..long way 2go!!!

Day 34 of Fitness Challenge: Had a thought today. They say that men think about sex every so many minutes through out the day. Today I felt like a man only it was sugar (primarily chocolate) Until you chose to be conscience of what you eat you really don't see how often you ate something..bc b4 if I wanted it I ate it so I'm pretty sure I had chocolate 2 to 3 times a day bc I'm now wanting chocolate 100 times a day!!

162 days of Changing My Life:We are changing things up a bit bc the fitness challenge is officially over Saturday but as you know I've chosen to extend it and make it a permanent part of my life. So for now we will be counting down until my 31st birthday and seeing how far this journey will take me by May 22nd 2012. And everyone please pray for strength,the past 2 days have been hard and I don't want to loose focus!

161 days of Changing my Life: Okay so today was an emotionally exhausting day for me. I was feeling emotions from happy, mad, to sad, and would have loved to suffocated my emotions in some white chocolate or a big brownie with caramel and ice cream!!!! Why is it when we feel emotions we don't want to... it is easiest to smother them in gravy..or, in my case, chocolate shell (u know the kind that goes on ice cream...you eat it off and then add more and repeat) than to actually face the negative emotion and deal with it?!?! So today, before I leave work and venture home, I write my post...this is my accountability...because I know that since this is out there... I have to continue being healthy today and I cannot cave to the desire to smother my emotions...i must face them and I will finish the day eating healthy because if I don't all of FB world, that keeps up with my status', will come and get me!!! lol (Thanks to all you ..your support and encouragement has helped me get this far and continue pushing forward)

Day 158 of Changing my Life: Accountability is a horrible thing! It makes you do things that you normally wouldn't do like eat healthy, stay on track and finish what you start!! Now time for a confession. A week ago I decided I wasn't going to do the final workout of my fitness competition due to the fact that the "fit" people finish a workout correctly in 16 min. when I finish the same thing in an hour "modified" ..Now I didn't tell anyone this hoping competition day would come and go and no one would notice bc I wouldn't win anyway!! And then tonight via a text here comes accountability Coach Jim Mahan texting me telling me that as far as "points" go I'm ahead so far and that I better not be late...at this time I confess to him my decision and fear of embarrassment. So what doesn he do ??..of all thing encourage me and tell me it has nothing to do with me finishing last but that my journey is  mine and that I will regret it if I don't finish!!! So guess what I couldn't sneak away unnoticed and ill be looking crazy at noon tomorrow!! So all of you pray for me ...I'm gonna need it!!

I'm here for the final fitness workout...I'm scared...ill let u know how it goes!!

I WON the competition by 22.4 points!!! I lost 17 pounds total during this 6 week competition and lost a total of 28.25 inches with 17.5 of those coming off of my waist!!! :) My prizes were an Activa watch, $50.00 gift card, and a month free membership!! Thank you all for your encouragement!!! And a shout out to everyone who did the final lap with me!! I'm exhausted and proud!!

Day 157 of Changing my Life: Today started with fears and tears..I was so scared to be so embarrassed by struggling through the workout!! However with lots of great encouragement I decided to finish what I started!!! It was hard, I knew I would finish the workout last, and I was so scared!! But everyone around me kept saying its only about you and no one else...do it!! Diet wise the last 2 weeks were really hard andand I was tempted a lot more than usual and I know it was bc the competition was coming to an end and I wanted to quit rather that take a change on myself and fail!! But I stuck with it did the workout and ended up winning..who would have thought I could win anything athletic?!?! But I did with tons of support every minute and every second of my workout..I wanted to stop and say "I'm done" but coach said "all you have to do is finish to win if you don't your giving it away"...I couldn't give it away people on FB were waiting to see what was going to happen and the other competitors and coaches were there pushing me and most of all I needed to do this 4 me...I needed to know that I can do this..that I can change my life and be healthy and strong..like Lisa Hodges shirt says "Strong is the new skinny" :)

156 Days of Changing my Life: Today I am VERY sore!!! But I am still proud so it doesn't hurt as bad as it could :) Been thinking about how far I have to go to reach my goal...it can seam very overwhelming at times...but yesterday I proved myself wrong in my ability to win an athletic competition so today my journey to reach my goal seems less daunting...today I know with time and persistence I will reach my goal!!!

Short Term Goal: Instead of giving myself the opportunity to go off course through the holidays I am challenging myself to see how many more pounds I can lose between now and NYE...that's exactly 2 weeks...I also extend this challenge to Amanda Pearson(my competitor who was a great support, had the best time, and got 2nd place whoop whoop) who also needs a challenge to push her through the holidays..are you with me??

I had a thought...I have seen before and after pics of people who have lost the amount of weight I'm striving to lose...even less in some cases...and they look completely different ..so I wonder what I will look like not only that... but I wonder if me now could see me then...would I recognize me?!?! lol see if u can follow that thought haha (Queen of Random thoughts)

 

154 Days of Changing My Life: Well looks like today is my cheat day lol I have had chocolates, a coke, and fried chicken!! The holiday mentality is no way to push through the holidays successful...Looks like I used my cheat day up and MUST behave at the very least until Christmas Day...the new year is coming fast and I really DO NOT want to put on any holiday weight..I'd rather survive the holidays maintaining...

Day 153..Detox...it is a must to beat the holidays!!! I survived Thanksgiving and I will beat Christmas!!!...just a few more days until NYE and I will stay strong!!!

148 Days of Changing My Life: well the holidays won for a few days..but I am proud to say a few days ONLY...back on my grind in the morning! There are only 5 days left until 2012!! Wonderful holiday pics have shown me exactly how far I have left to go and I refuse to be overwhelmed by the daunting task of reaching my goal..I will choose very wisely over the next 5 days and finish out 2011 stronger than I began it!!

147 Days of Changing My Life: Today was a good managed to eat well while under stress rather than "feed the anxiety"!! I have now added this thing to my journey...soooo this should be interesting...here is to hoping I don't lose my balance and fall off :)

146 Days of Changing My Life: Every day that passes this lifestyle gets a little bit easier. Making simple healthy choices through the day have made major changes in my mood, energy, stress management, and over all life! I am more happy, healthy, and confident that I have ever been :) Here is to a happy, healthy, confident Kami in 2012!! 3 days to go!!!

145 Days of Changing My Life: Well the scales are sitting still but the inches are still falling off!! Amazes me ...seeing yourself in the mirror the daily results in not being able to see all the changes your body is making. However...I am happy and will push forward until I can see it for myself!! :) 2more days...

144 Days of Changing My Life: I feel for over weight children. I saw a little girl the other day and it broke my heart. I have been heavy for as long as I can r

emember and I knew at the age of 5 I was bigger than the other kids and felt uncomfortable and heard older adults and teens talk about me like I was too young to understand them. And no it is not always the parents fault..believe me I had a mother who was confused and still tried her hardest to teach me to eat healthy and be active even though she did not have a weight problem herself....I pray that if God should see it fit to bless me with a child a healthy active lifestyle will just be what is known from the begining....it is very hard to be an adult and be over weight much less to be a child that doesn't understand why you are the way you are and listen to the world around you judge you and make predictions about how your life will not be as good as a skinny person's and how you will not be loved by others because of your weight...IT IS NOT TRUE...I AM PROOF!!! :) ♥

143 Days of Changing My Life: I cannot express how blessed I feel!! In reflecting on 2011 God has blessed my health, my career, my family and friends...there were so many times that Satan tried to distract me from the blessings God was giving me but every time the storm cleared I was blessed immensely!!! Thank You God!!!

142 Days of Changing My Life: Well I have had such a great response on FB to my postings about my fight with my weight and my journey to reach my goal that I have decided to do something I never thought I would do...I'm starting a blog for 2012 LOL. I am the biggest technology cluts I struggle will provide encouragement and motivation for others to know that no matter how overwhelming it may be...YOU CAN ALWAYS CHANGE YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW AND HAVE A HEALTHY FUTURE!!now but I am hoping that everyone who has been watching will continue to follow me and most of all I am hoping that this ...